The options…. its been a long time since I’ve had one. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked. I left New York two years ago and left my agency this year.
Two weeks ago, I packed up Little red (my ancient Volkswagen) and drove to Miami to spend time testing and preparing for season. I met with my new agency, did the normal digitals, met all of the bookers, and got settled into the model apartment.
I know I’ve bashed on model apartments in the past. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here! I cant exactly pinpoint the emotions I have inside. Taking so much time off has made me want this more than ever, I know what I am capable of. I am finally learning to become comfortable in my skin, in front of the camera. I’m not comparing myself to the hundreds of models I see at castings, I’m not competing with them. I don’t think we ever know who we are because we are constantly changing, growing, and adapting, especially in this industry. It’s hard to remain yourself. Nonetheless, I’m excited. I’m excited about my confidence and excited to actually push myself for once and see what comes of it. But along with all the excitement there is fear and worry and loneliness.Adrenaline from all the excitement about working again wore off, and reality set in. It’s a lonely life in the modeling world. It took me a while to notice that I was sitting, alone , in an empty apartment, in dead silence. It’s hard to make friends when we are always traveling. It’s hard to have anything constant in your life when you live day to day not knowing when your next job will be or if there will be another one. I’m 26 now. I know my time is limited, but I am determined to make the most of it.
I spent most of my time in Miami testing. My very first test after my hiatus happened to be with the very first photographer I ever shot with, Livio. He is a genius! He is the reason I began booking jobs, and I hope for the same results this time around. Check out my latest test from him, I also added the first photos he took. I am strongly hoping that with an older look I am able to change this constant “on option” to a constant “booked”!!! Fingers crossed
